Four weeks ago I stepped on a scale for the first time in probably 14 years and got…um…a number. The following week, that number was three less. Then I went on steroids and the three came back. Last week I lost nothing. Then this morning I weighed myself again and I was two less. Now what color was the conductor’s hat? ha ha Sorry, I couldn’t resist an old arithmetic joke.
So I am still up by one pound but at least I lost the two. My goal is to lose five pounds at a time and celebrate that milestone each time. I still haven’t hit my first documented five pounds, but I will!
The Hard Part
The hardest part for me is the Obsession. I am obsessed with not eating.
I am not dieting. I know I have to change my entire lifestyle. But I do plan what I am going to eat. And right now if I eat something I didn’t plan on, I am sick about it.
I don’t see this as particularly healthy behavior. And it makes me very, very cranky.
I am not hungry, I am not feeling deprived, I just worry all the time that I will seriously overeat and never lose the weight I have to lose. What I want to do is not think about food all the time and how I am going to avoid it.
If I do eat something unplanned, I want to enjoy it. That is really my goal, to not beat myself up over "lapses" and to get right back on track. Because, as someone so helpfully commented here, making more good choices than bad is what it is all about. And that is what has to be forever.
Is anyone else Obsessed? How do you cope with that constant fear and vigilance? Does it pass?