A Tanning Retrospective

Not to be lazy or anything...ok, well maybe I am a tad bit lazy, but I am digging up some of my older posts, especially ones that received a few laughs in the past.  Posts I intended to be funny, I might add.

Someone was recently admiring a picture of our family at my son's wedding and they complimented my dress.  I tried to respond politely, but I was not overly fond of that dress.  For one thing, I had not lost the weight I wanted and was no comparison to the mother of the bride, who was not only a lovely person but was thin and drop dead gorgeous.  Her dress was stunning.  Mine was too, but for different reasons.  None positive.

I have super white skin and the beige of the dress gave me the pallor of a wasting disease without any actual wasting.  So I got the brilliant idea of going to a tanning salon.  The ensuing is a description of my first visit, which I originally posted in 2008:

I cannot believe that I now have any experience with this subject, which in the past I have expressed nothing but disdain for.

Disdain, that is, until I tried on a dress that made me appear to be an illustration from “Ghosts of America”. My skin looked like the white underbelly of a fish, blending with the beige of the dress to create the understated yet hideous fashion statement of having a wasting disease.

My daughters go to the tanning salon on a regular basis. “Isn’t it relaxing?” asked Mary Kate.

Hmmmm.

Relaxing.

Why sure.

Here are some of my relaxing thoughts:

Gosh this is loud.

This is really scary.

Is it supposed to be this loud?

Maybe the bed is broken.

I wonder if the girl remembered to set the timer.

Maybe the timer is broken.

Do I have enough bronzer on? I think I don’t have enough bronzer on.

Maybe I have too much bronzer on.

Maybe I will turn orange.

I think she forgot to set the timer.

Gosh it’s getting hot.

Is hair flammable?

I am positive she forgot to set the timer.

Could this bed be defective?

Maybe it’s defective and has freakishly strong UV rays.

Maybe I am going to burst into flames any minute. Starting with my hair.

Agh!! Agh!!! I am going to end up in the burn center swathed in bandages and loaded with IV pain killers.

Actually, now that I mention it, that last part doesn’t sound too bad.

She forgot to set the timer!! I know it, I know it!!! I am going to be immolated, I know it!!! My children will gaze sadly at my charred remains, hold each other and say “I hope she left some money.”

The whole store will burn down and it will be all my fault. It will be known as the “The Great Tanning Disaster of 2008” and will have my name inexorably linked to it because it will turn out I had some weird genetic predisposition to spontaneous combustion when exposed to a tanning bed.

I will not only die a horrible death, but an embarrassing one too.

CLICK!!!!!!! The machine snaps off. Phew!!! I am alive, unscathed and, um… pink.

Alrighty then!   All set for my next fry, errrr, rather, relaxing, session tomorrow.   Can’t wait.  :(

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Gotta Love Anderson

Here is yet another good reason to love Anderson Cooper!  Besides the obvious.  Ok, so I’m not his..um..type.  So what.  He is smart.  And funny.  And self-deprecating.  And gorgeous.  (See his very funny report on being on Celebrity Jeopardy.

So adorable.)

My friends Albert and Jackie and their two lovely daughters are a terrific family.  I went to high school with Albert and he and Jackie have been married for over 32 years.  To the outside world, their life is picture perfect.  They are close, affectionate and always smiling. They do not advertise the struggles they have endured over the years, although they have been significant.  When Albert’s father developed Alzheimer’s Disease, it was Albert and Jackie who took care of him until the end.  They are matter of fact about these things.  They have strong faith in God and they are still crazy about each other.   In a nutshell: these are good people who have had some hard times but they saw each other through it.  

So back to their girls.  The eldest, Shea, was scheduled to get married last August.  A big wedding was planned here on the beach at the Jersey Shore.  But an uninvited guest was barreling up the coast.  Hurricane Irene was predicted to make landfall the day of Shea’s wedding and all the big plans had to be cancelled, a tiny little celebration is hurredly organized instead.  But Shea’s priorities are straight because of the way she is raised and she is just grateful to be marrying the man she loves.

Fast forward to this spring.  Shea and hubby Matt end up on the Anderson Cooper Show talking about wedding disasters and how important wedding insurance is.  The whole family is excited.  Jackie and Albert are whisked into the city by limo, courtesy of the show.  Albert is like a little kid taking it all in, the Green Room, the set, and finally, Anderson himself.  “He’s the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.” Albert says solemnly.  And apparently one of the nicest, welcoming him and Jackie personally, shaking their hands, thanking them for coming, congratulating them on their lovely daughter.

Gloria, you did a good job raising him.

So the show starts, Shea and Matt tell their story and Anderson springs it on them: they have actually invited them on the show to give them the wedding of their dreams, in the Bahamas.  And a great big wedding party up here in Jersey to make up for the one they didn’t get to have.  So everyone is crying and happy and in love with Anderson.

You can watch the clip here (and see Albert surreptitiously wiping his eyes, right over Anderson’s left shoulder.)

http://www.andersoncooper.com/2012/04/19/sandals-resorts-wedding-surprise/

Yes, in the scheme of things a wedding is not life or death.  Shea knows that.  But it is good to see something nice happen to really, really good people.  And this time it did.

Thanks, Anderson.

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The Invincible Strength of True Love

In the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13, verses one to thirteen, is famous for the declaration that love is the most important thing in and beyond life. Every time I read it I am amazed by the simplicity and elegance of the message:  

1 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. 

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

With Elizabeth and Matt’s wedding on Saturday, I saw the lesson of Corinthians over and over in the presence of the loved ones who celebrated the day with us.

I saw it in Liddy and Matt themselves, how they rarely took their eyes from each other through the day and how they quietly exuded pure joy as they became husband and wife.

I made the liturgical stole Mother Susan is wearing last year as a gift for her.  She thoughtfully made a point of incorporating it in the ceremony.

It was so wonderful to proudly share the day with Matt’s family, his parents, his grandmother, his uncles and aunts, all of whom have welcomed Elizabeth into their arms unconditionally.

Three years ago, my parents, healthy and independent, were happy guests at Ryan’s wedding. My father, even though he is just over serious surgery for a broken hip and struggles to get around, told me he would do anything for Elizabeth and made a monumental effort to be there. He was palpably missing my mother.

Of course my sister, my cohort in laughter, irreverence and all around goofiness, was a huge part of making the day fun, along with her husband and oldest son.
 
Memories flooded me as I watched Mary Kate come down the aisle as Matron of Honor. I could see her the day Elizabeth was born, a two year old not quite sure what to make of her new baby sister.

Elizabeth and Mary Kate

James was so handsome as our usher. He had always been like his baby sister’s personal Court Jester. He was a constant, good natured source of entertainment for Elizabeth and would indulge her in playing any game she asked, singing and dancing along with goofy cartoons on TV or acting out scenarios she directed (usually involving dollies and/or Beverly Hills 90210 episodes).

Ryan gave Elizabeth away. As her other wonderful big brother, even though he was so much older, he also was always finding time to play with her, make silly faces, make her laugh.

My sister-in-law and I have been connected by marriage for over 35 years. She is one of the strongest, bravest, most indomitable women I have ever known. She is as gorgeous today as she was the day I met her. She was with us, along with one of her daughters, a beautiful young woman who, along with her five sisters, I am proud to call my niece.

Friends who have watched Elizabeth grow up surrounded us. These are friends who are true soul mates, people who are so good and good to me they never cease to amaze me with their endless loving kindness. Louise and Henry looked after my father for us and brought him home when he was not well enough to stay any longer, even though it meant they had to leave the reception early. Michael and Bill looked after me all day, getting my massively heavy power wheelchair in and out of the SUV multiple times, a huge outlay of energy and effort. Christine videotaped the wedding as a gift. Juanita and Michael are two of my favorite people in the world, elegant, charming, and, more than anything, kindred spirits. To say I am lucky to have all these people in my life does not even begin to do them justice.
 
As our youngest, Elizabeth held a special place in her father’s heart. With the other kids in school, she and her dad often spent their days together with long walks and trips to the park, just the two of them. She remembered him by carrying his pocket watch with her bouquet.

Ryan walking Elizabeth down the aisle.  Dennis' pocket watch is attached to her bouquet in memory of her dad.

Matt and Liddy’s friends embraced them with laughter and affectionate teasing throughout the day. His best man Jonathan, his friend since nursery school, gave a funny, touching toast that defined what a loyal and true friend Matt is.

My happiness was rounded out by running into other friends after the wedding at the church, by friends of Matt’s parents at the reception and by dear ones who couldn’t make it but were with us in spirit.

These people are the definition of love. The family members who spitefully declined Elizabeth’s loving invitations were not missed. They do not meet the criteria. Love is patient, love is kind. It keeps no record of wrongs.

It always protects. Love never fails.

And now these things remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Some more pictures:

Here comes the bride, escorted by her brother Ryan.

Elizabeth and Matt

One of the centerpieces we brought home.

The banner I made for them.

Banner close up

 My sister Cathy and I

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Anniversary

Thirty four years ago today, at 11:30 a.m., in the Mansion Chapel at Georgian Court University, I was married. I was 22, Dennis was 23 and we had no idea what we were getting into. Which I guess was a good thing.

It was a beautiful Fall day. At the reception, at Peterson’s Sunset Cabin, we danced to the dulcet tones of the Moon Misters. It was a really fun wedding. Everyone had a good time.

HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED

Peterson’s, which was a Shore landmark for over 50 years, has been closed since the 1990’s. This blogger captured it perfectly, including haunting pictures of the abandoned ruin it is today, http://www.lostdestinations.com/peterson.htm.  

Dennis died in 1993, so this year he is gone exactly as long as we were married.   So unimaginably sad.  He never saw our children grow up or got to meet his grandson.  My son brought my grandson to the cemetery instead.

I don’t think students are allowed to get married in the Mansion Chapel at Georgian Court anymore, although I may be wrong about that. The Mansion Chapel, originally the conservatory in the George Gould mansion, is so much prettier than the stark Student Chapel on campus.

But the relaxed informality of the Mansion, where I actually lived as a senior, changed forever the afternoon someone walked off with a priceless Tiffany lamp.

 AND THE SEASONS, THEY GO ROUND AND ROUND...

Thirty four years. Thirty four years of everything life consists of: happiness, pain, sorrow, the gift of four children, much laughter, much loss, much tenacious determination. 

Astonishing that so much time has gone by.   That 22 year old is literally long gone.  She is part of who I am now, but I am such a different person.

And the seasons they go 'round and 'round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We're captive on the carousel of time
We can't return we can only look behind
From where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game.
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WEDDING!!!!!

And what a wedding it was. It is an incredible experience to be in the same space as 200 people who are simply overjoyed to be together. It would not be an overstatement to say the day was absolutely perfect: the company, the weather, the happiness, the fun. And oh, everyone had SUCH fun.

First there was the groom and his handsome groomsmen. With the exception of Claire’s brothers, these are boys (ok, men!) that I have known since they were little guys. Not only have they grown up to be stunningly attractive, they are the nicest, kindest, funniest, sweetest people you could ever meet (and I have discovered even though they are new in my life, Claire's brothers also fit into those categories!):

Ryan, looking very cool, calm and collected indeed on the way to the church:

Ryan seeing Claire as she appears at the back of the church:




Here comes the bride:

Makes me cry:







My four, Elizabeth, Mary Kate, Ryan and James:





At the beach:








The reception was a blast. Ryan and I danced to In My Life. The great band kept everyone dancing. Yep, I was able to dance thanks to my dearest friends, who held onto me so I could feel normal. Thanks Michael, Christine, Cathy, Bill and Peter! I danced A LOT with my friends holding me up. The band was awesome and played a lot of Bruce. Of course when they started Jersey Girl, I was in the Ladies brushing my teeth (ok, I'm a teensy bit neurotic about oral hygiene). But within minutes, me, my sister, my best friend Christine were all belting it out. 'Cause down the Shore, everything's alright...nothing matters in this whole wide world when you're in love with a Jersey girl!!! lol

I didn’t cry as much as I thought I would. I felt so sad for Ryan that his dad wasn’t there. But Ryan and Claire did not forget him. Dennis was mentioned in the program and his memory was evoked at every table.




(I don't know why apples; when I find out, I will tell you.)

My sister-in-law, who I LOVE, sat next to me. My nieces (3 of her 6 girls) were there as well, along with my cousins, my aunts and best friends (I am lucky enough to have even more wonderful people in my life; I only wish I could have invited them all!!). I was surrounded by love. How blessed I am!!

The reason I didn’t cry buckets because I was so, so happy for these two, who are clearly meant for each other. I was choked up thinking of my precious little boys, how they have grown and how proud I am of them.



There are places I remember
all my life
though some have changed.

Some forever, not for better,
some have gone
and some remain.

All these places have their moments,
with lovers and friends I still can recall
some are dead and some are living;
in my life, I’ve loved them all.

But of all these friends and lovers
there is no one compares with you
and these memories lose their meaning
when I think of love as something new.

Though I know I’ll never lose affection
for people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them.
In my life, I love you more.

The Rehearsal

The rehearsal dinner was a resounding and joyous celebration.

First came the church part. Blah blah blah blah.

I am not usually like that about church stuff, especially worship. But this was just droning, YOU - stand here, YOU - stand there, YOU - sit, YOU - bow. Excruciating. And now I will probably disgrace Ryan and Claire because I didn’t pay a bit of attention and will have no idea what is going on tomorrow.

I was too busy enjoying my grandson.

Already scoping out the girls. Hey, James, good choice. That one is a doctor, but unfortunately is already married.

All the boys and girls took the instructions very seriously.

My two precious, handsome boys , Ryan, James (the best man) and my lovely new daughter. Oh, and an extraneous clergyperson:

Then we went and we had us a PARTY.

We were in a local restaurant, in the front room, with the doors opened up to the outside. On a cool, breezy evening, it was perfect.

The service was cheerful and attentive, the food was awesome, the company was the best. That room glowed with the sheer pleasure of each other's company, happiness for Ryan and Claire and gratitude for the opportunity to join together for such a wonderful occasion.

Isn't he gorgeous?!?!

Ryan was made an honorary member of the bride’s family.

He made a moving speech on how much he and Claire loved everyone there and how thrilled they were to be surrounded by so much affection and support. Then he, with beautiful and loving words, he thanked me specifically. Although he didn't mention my tan.

This is me (see how tan I am? lol):

Everyone is full of joy for these two beloved young people.

Tomorrow:

The Wedding!!!!!!

Some Things Going On

Dr. Wonderful

Met with Dr. Wonderful this week to check on my shoulder. I was delighted to demonstrate my prowess in doing things like…touching the top of my head. He appeared to be delighted as well. And he told me not once, not twice, but THREE times that I looked good. GOOD. With a big smile. No back pedaling. I was quite pleased.

As a matter of fact, about a dozen different people told me I looked good this week. Or even ‘great’. It has been very cool. Although it has left me wondering if there is an epidemic of poor eyesight going around. Hmmm...

Wedding Preparations

Ordered my dress for my son’s wedding. The Herman Melville special, as in Moby Dick, THE GREAT WHITE WHALE. I am dreading trying it on as I have lost two pounds total. Probably in my earlobes. Oy.

So desperate times call for desperate measures and Mary Kate and I are both starting…dunt dunt dunnnnn…Slim Fast tomorrow. Nourish shmourish, I just want to be thin again.

Lonely

My best friend, my sister and my therapist are all either away or going away this week. Oy. I am already decompensating.

Another Operation

I am having surgery next Monday to correct a problem on the eye I lost when I was a child. I am a little nervous about it, especially since ALL MY SUPPORT SYSTEMS WILL BE AWAY. Traitors. :(

Oh, I'm just kidding. They are the best people in the world and no one deserves a break more than they do.

The surgery will affect my appearance, theoretically for the better, by improving the function of the lids on that eye. But it's a little scary to think of something going wrong that would be so visible. My eye surgeon is supposed to be the best in New Jersey and he is very, very nice. I do trust him.

But God knows I don't want Dr. Wonderful to have to say next time he sees me, "You look...hmm...just so-so."