Disappointment

I had a bad week and it caught up with me this morning. Depending on how I wiggled on the scale, I either lost nothing or one pound. I got on and off about ten times, thinking maybe the scale was just, I don’t know, sleepy?

Leaned to the left, leaned to the right, scooched my toes just over the edge, inched them back on. The needle swung wildly but always settled in the same general area – higher than I wanted.

I don’t even want to eat breakfast now. :(

I have been tracking what I eat in Spark People, along with what I do at the gym. I have only stayed in my 1200 to 1500 range twice this week. I was deluding myself into thinking if I kept under 2000 calories and did my treadmill and swimming, I would still be ok.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

I don’t want to say I’m devastated because that should be saved for something like, I don’t know, losing a limb. But I am. And terribly disappointed in myself. And scared to death that I am never going to get to where I need to be.

I feel as though I wasted an entire week. But I am forcing myself to look at it as a lesson. It is clear that I cannot be less than vigilant for any meal. The frustrating part is when I go off my plan, it is for something like a roast beef sandwich, not a gallon of ice cream. That seems so unreasonable that I can’t eat a simple sandwich. But clearly that is the way it has to be until I reach my goal. Then I can relax a little to maintain my normal weight.

Hopefully. :(