Friday, July 17, 2009

Another Day In the Life

I have missed everybody so much, but I have been under the covers the bed the floorboards the weather. Maybe you should find a blog written by someone healthier?


I was only being polite. Sheesh. What would I do without you guys?!?!

In addition to not feeling well, my laptop hard drive crashed and none of my work is retrievable.

Let me say that again, because it wasn’t quite gut-wrenchingly painful enough the first time: none of my work is retrievable.

But Marie, you are saying, surely you backed up your files?

Crickets. Crickets. Crickets.

That would be a big fat no. All my writing is gone. Work that I owed someone I do freelance writing for is gone. Everything is gone.

I haven’t told my freelance employer yet. What an excuse. “I haven't been well. Oh, and my hard drive crashed so your work is all gone.” I might as well say the dog ate my computer.


I did have several lovely moments today.

I was even inspired to venture out. And of course, a 'venture' for anyone else is an 'AD-venture' for me.

Went to the ATM at my new bank. Couldn't reach the machine. Backed up and pulled up, still couldn't reach. Backed up and pulled up till my tires were rubbing the curb. Still couldn’t reach. Undid my seat belt. STILL couldn’t reach. Saying *&^%&#@#$ did not miraculously make my arms longer. Opened the car door and leaned as far as I could. Eureka!

Fed my card in with my fingertips. Pressed the touch pad for ‘Fast Cash’ or whatever. Got the main menu instead. No big deal. Tapped in $80.00. Little message popped up “insufficient funds for that amount”. WHAT?!?! No way.

My card got spat out at me. Ok, there is no way that is correct. Fed my card back in to check my balance. Accidentaly hit the Spanish button. Tip: Yelling “No Habla Espanol” at an ATM will be ineffective.

The card gets spit out at me again. I am not leaving without money, if I have to beat the thing with my cane. Which I know will only get me arrested, but I am irrational at this point.

And please remember during this whole thing, I am hanging out of my open car door.

Start over again. Push the card back in with the very tippy’s of my fingers, because I can still barely reach. Very carefully do not hit “Spanish”. Hit “Balance”. And voila, there is, well not exactly millions, but substantially more than $80.00. I would tell you exactly how much, but I don’t want to make you jealous.

Just kidding.

I am gifted with a bonus round of an opportunity to make another choice and actually withdraw some of my millions pennies. To be on the safe side, this time I type in $60.00. And what do you know, out pops $60.00! I now know what the problem was.

The ATM is actually my father!!!

Sorry Dad, I know I didn’t really need that extra 20.

By the time I retrieve my card and my money, put back on my seat belt, put my money and card in my wallet and closed the car door, I was freaking panting with exhaustion.

Now I adore you, My Beloved Therapist. But do you see why I don’t go out more often?!?! It is an ordeal just to shake down an ATM for my own 60 bucks.

I am going to put my feet up and relax for the rest of the night. I guaranteed the relaxing part by washing down my evening Oxycontin with a great big glass of cheap crappy pink wine.


Oh. This is dangerous some of you are saying?

Crickets. Crickets. Crickets.

Here is my musical accompaniment for my banking adventure:

And here is the version for all of you who get my posts through e-mail(thank you for that, by the way; xoxo):



Webster said...

Thanks for the laugh, Marie. Being vertically challenged myself, I can relate. Stupid tall ATMs.

Marie said...

lol Stupid tall EVERYTHING. lol

Thanks for stopping by Webster. :)

Chrissy said...

Hope you're feeling better. I've been sick, too. Summer sick is the WORST!

Julie said...

Sorry about the computer crash. Sucks when that happens but they say everything is there somewhere, maybe a talented computer person could retrieve it? I hate ATM machines. Made for people who drive those trucks with big wheels, not people who are short and drive low to the ground cars.

Jane Turley said...

Good lord! You mean you have drive thru ATMs in the US? I've heard of drive thru Macdonalds (which we do have here) but cashpoints?! No such thing here... is it because of the threat of mugging or just for convienance?

Hmm... Do you have drive thru loos as well?!

Sorry to hear about your PC though - that is a major upset. There must be some brainy guy somewhere who can retrieve it.

Oh wait a minute..that's a contradiction in terms.... How about getting a self help manual?!

Da Old Man said...

Marie, one day we crips will inherit the blogosphere. It's in the bible.

The Mother said...

Yes, that's dangerous. NO ONE deserves to drink pink wine.

Val said...

I hate those ATMS...not so convenient methinks.

So sorry about your computer :( I would really suggest going somewhere b/c some data is almost always retrievable. What a bummer :(

Enjoy your wine-crappy pink happens to be a personal favorite :)

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

Keep your chin up. And maybe take your hard drive to the Geek Squad people?

B said...

Sorry to hear about your comp - bummer.

Thanks for the laugh though! And for visiting my little corner of the world. x

Marie said...

Chrissy: Thanks for stopping by!!! This has been a pretty crappy summer, but on the plus side, I am getting used to it. :(

Yep, that's my plus side. Acceptance of chronic illness. lol

Julie: Couldn't you just SCREAM!! But it is a good thing I saved my energy and didn't, because it crashed again!!

I still have my fingers crossed that something can be retrieved.

Jane: xoxoxoxoxox

Why is that the only thing I ever want to say to you!?!

DOM: Someday soon, I hope. Either that or we will have an f'ing field day in Heaven.

Mother: My friend Michael used to recoil in horror. He doesn't bother anymore. ha ha

Val: Ahhh, a girl after my own heart. What is not to like? It tastes as though they poured a vat of sugar in it. lol

Lawyer Mom: All excellent ideas! And my chin is so far up I think I can actually see my backside. lol I have to keep my chin up. You all have such faith in me. xoxo

B: Ditto!!