Another Day In the Life

I have missed everybody so much, but I have been under the covers the bed the floorboards the weather. Maybe you should find a blog written by someone healthier?

NOOOOOOOO!!! PLEASE DON”T LEAVE ME!!! boo hoo hoo

I was only being polite. Sheesh. What would I do without you guys?!?!

In addition to not feeling well, my laptop hard drive crashed and none of my work is retrievable.

Let me say that again, because it wasn’t quite gut-wrenchingly painful enough the first time: none of my work is retrievable.

But Marie, you are saying, surely you backed up your files?

Crickets. Crickets. Crickets.

That would be a big fat no. All my writing is gone. Work that I owed someone I do freelance writing for is gone. Everything is gone.

I haven’t told my freelance employer yet. What an excuse. “I haven't been well. Oh, and my hard drive crashed so your work is all gone.” I might as well say the dog ate my computer.

Sigh.

I did have several lovely moments today.

I was even inspired to venture out. And of course, a 'venture' for anyone else is an 'AD-venture' for me.

Went to the ATM at my new bank. Couldn't reach the machine. Backed up and pulled up, still couldn't reach. Backed up and pulled up till my tires were rubbing the curb. Still couldn’t reach. Undid my seat belt. STILL couldn’t reach. Saying *&^%&#@#$ did not miraculously make my arms longer. Opened the car door and leaned as far as I could. Eureka!

Fed my card in with my fingertips. Pressed the touch pad for ‘Fast Cash’ or whatever. Got the main menu instead. No big deal. Tapped in $80.00. Little message popped up “insufficient funds for that amount”. WHAT?!?! No way.

My card got spat out at me. Ok, there is no way that is correct. Fed my card back in to check my balance. Accidentaly hit the Spanish button. Tip: Yelling “No Habla Espanol” at an ATM will be ineffective.

The card gets spit out at me again. I am not leaving without money, if I have to beat the thing with my cane. Which I know will only get me arrested, but I am irrational at this point.

And please remember during this whole thing, I am hanging out of my open car door.

Start over again. Push the card back in with the very tippy’s of my fingers, because I can still barely reach. Very carefully do not hit “Spanish”. Hit “Balance”. And voila, there is, well not exactly millions, but substantially more than $80.00. I would tell you exactly how much, but I don’t want to make you jealous.



Just kidding.

I am gifted with a bonus round of an opportunity to make another choice and actually withdraw some of my millions pennies. To be on the safe side, this time I type in $60.00. And what do you know, out pops $60.00! I now know what the problem was.

The ATM is actually my father!!!

Sorry Dad, I know I didn’t really need that extra 20.

By the time I retrieve my card and my money, put back on my seat belt, put my money and card in my wallet and closed the car door, I was freaking panting with exhaustion.

Now I adore you, My Beloved Therapist. But do you see why I don’t go out more often?!?! It is an ordeal just to shake down an ATM for my own 60 bucks.

I am going to put my feet up and relax for the rest of the night. I guaranteed the relaxing part by washing down my evening Oxycontin with a great big glass of cheap crappy pink wine.

Yum.

Oh. This is dangerous some of you are saying?

Crickets. Crickets. Crickets.

Here is my musical accompaniment for my banking adventure:



And here is the version for all of you who get my posts through e-mail(thank you for that, by the way; xoxo):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k35Xrw6z8Zo