The Week That Could Have Been Worse

Because I had a crappy week, I almost did a whole Kafka thing to start this post, about waking up to discover I was a bug, blah, blah blah.

But I realized, as this is my life, I am certain to have even worse weeks in the future, like getting arrested or something. Oh wait, that’s already happened too (I’ll tell you another time). So I’ll save The Metamorphisis for then. It was a tad melodramatic. A giant cockroach. ha ha ha ha Sigh.

This week it felt like everything I touched either broke, got dropped or went wrong. But don't worry. I'll have so much fun writing about it I will end up not minding a bit. :)

My work week, under pressure for hundreds of deliverables, was almost a total wash because I couldn’t access the remote system to my office for three days. Tick, tick, tick….I will probably be working all weekend to make up the work.

Tysabri infusion totally knocked me off my pins this month. I slept for 14 hours straight afterwards.

Then:

Car wreck and insurance issues. Grrrrrr!!!!

Gas company issues. Grrrrrrrr!!!

Mortgage payment issues. Grrrrrrrrr!!!! Although this one was mildly amusing. Two calls received from the mortgage company. That’s odd. I check online bill pay. Yep, mortgage is paid. I call to check on the problem. I tap in my account number as asked by the automatic system and a sweet little recording tells me everything I already know, how much I paid and when I paid it. And an arrears of $7000. I literally dropped the phone. I started pressing ‘O’ like mad to get a human being. And I got ‘John’.

John had a definite accent, but I couldn’t place it. I started blabbering .

Me: $7000! BLAAAH!!!! $7000! BLAAH!!!! $7000?!?!?!
John: Oh well, thank you Mrs. Cooper, I will ask you to please not worry about that.
Me: BLAAAAH?!?!
John: No, thank you Mrs. Cooper, this is nothing to worry about.
Me: BLAAH!!!
John: No, really thank you Mrs. Cooper, this is not a problem. This was a mistake in the recording.
Me: BLAAAH BLAAAH BLAAAAAAH!!!!
John: Well yes, thank you Mrs. Cooper, I can understand your anxiety about this unfortunate situation, however this is an error which you are not to be concerned about.
Me: Blah?
John: Yes, thank Mrs. Cooper, this was a mistake.
Me: blah?
John: Yes, so thank you, I offer my apologies for the nervousness you experienced.

And at that point I was almost coherent again.

John: However, thank you Mrs. Cooper…

Me: BLAH?

Poor John was experiencing more anxiety and nervousness than I was.

John: …thank you, I am so sorry to tell you this and there is no reason to be upset however there is a $4.02 discrepancy in the statement we sent you and the actual amount that is owed. So we can accept an electronic payment for this $4.02 and as a courtesy we will waive the usual $12.50 fee.
Me: $12BLAAAH50?!?!
John: Oh no!! No! Thank you Mrs. Cooper it is waived, waived, it will not be charged to you.
Me: blah?

It took ten minutes of repetition before he got all my bank numbers because of a very subtle language barrier. Finally I said:

Me: So John, where are you located?
John: Ah Mrs. Cooper, thank you for asking that. Our corporate office is in Iowa.
Me: But you’re not in Iowa, John, are you?
John: Ah, thank you Mrs. Cooper…heh, heh… he laughed nervously…thank you, but we are not authorized to disclose that information.
Me: But it is not Iowa, is it? Or even the United States? Or even this continent, is it?
John: heh heh Thank you Mrs. Cooper, I am sorry, but thank you we are not permitted to disclose that information. heh heh
Me: Ok, well, thank you John
John: Oh, thank you Mrs. Cooper. Have I satisfactorily resolved all of you issues?
Me: Yes, thank you John.

Except for where in the world is GMAC Customer Service. Hmmmm.

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It wasn’t an entirely sucky week, as I did have an appointment with Dr. Wonderful. Except I had meant to change it but forgot and remembered, while I was in the shower, 45 minutes before I was due there.

I couldn’t not go now.

As if I'd miss an opportunity to get more narcotics. Um, I mean as if I’d miss an opportunity to scope out his adorable self.

So I desperately raced to get ready and burst out the door, ten minutes late, with wet hair and panting like a dog. So off I trotted.

He looked wonderful, as usual. Treated me so nicely, as usual. Listened and totally got it about my pain as usual. And then proposed another surgery. As usual? Oy.

He is recommending a partial shoulder replacement to relieve the pain. So as I am writing this, I am watching a shoulder replacement surgery online on OR Live. So far my favorite parts have been the mallet, the drill and the buckets of blood being sucked out of the gaping wound.

Because I am shallow and immature, my true absolutely favorite part was the huge expanse of bare skin showing on the male patient exactly where my breast would be. Call me crazy, but I just don’t feel like having my boob hanging out in front of a bunch of strangers for several hours. Who knows what kind of bad habits it could pick up? hee hee That was just a little boob joke.

But honestly, would you want any of your naughty bits on display for everyone? While you weren’t even awake to hold it up or make excuses for it? Sigh.

So that was my week. In a tribute to Dr. W. I was going to treat you to the bloody, hammering, drilling shoulder video, but I decided to go in a different direction. No blood, lots of beard. lol



For e-mail readers:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_EFdod4YDo


Is it me or does that audience look kind of…anemic? Who doesn’t rock to ZZ Top?

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An update on Joe: still waiting for his surgery due to complications. I was very sympathetic. I said:

Oh for fuck sake!!!! This is ridiculous. Are they waiting for you to
die of old age so they don't have to operate at all?!?!


It is ruining my Angel of Mercy timetable because I have to have another surgery too, so I have limited time where I can stand by your bedside wringing my hands and looking like Ingrid Bergman in The Bells of St. Mary's.

I was really looking forward to that too. :( They are spoiling everything.



An update on the Behemoth: I love it!!