Giving Thanks

I offer thanks today for all the good I have in my life.  

I am so grateful to God for putting in my path so many wonderful people who are so good to me.  My caretakers who provide me with help so that I can stay home as long as possible.   My doctors who work so hard to keep my complicated health issues organized and who do it with warmth and compassion.  Professionals who have helped me with business issues, without judgment or criticism.

 

But most of all I am thankful for those of you who are so good to me on an everyday basis.   Those of you who offer me empathy and encouragement and unconditional love, you are what keep me going.  You all keep me from folding under the weight of everything I have lost and make me appreciate everything I still have. 

 

That is my Thanks Giving.

 

Words my loved ones live by:

1 Corinthians 13

Love

13 1 What if I could speak all languages of humans
 and of angels?
If I did not love others, I would be nothing more
than a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
² What if I could prophesy and understand all secrets
 and all knowledge?
And what if I had faith that moved mountains?
I would be nothing, unless I loved others.
³ What if I gave away all that I owned
and let myself be burned alive?
I would gain nothing, unless I loved others.
⁴ Love is kind and patient, never jealous, boastful,
 proud, or ⁵ rude.
Love isn’t selfish or quick tempered.
It doesn’t keep a record of wrongs that others do.
⁶ Love rejoices in the truth, but not in evil.
⁷ Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful,
 and trusting.
⁸ Love never fails!  Everyone who prophesies will stop,
and unknown languages will no longer  be spoken.
All that we know will be forgotten.
⁹ We don’t know everything, and our prophecies
are not complete. ¹⁰ But what is perfect will someday appear,

and what isn’t perfect will then disappear.

¹¹ When we were children, we thought and reasoned

 as children do. But when we grew up, we quit our childish ways.
¹² Now all we can see of God is like a cloudy picture
in a mirror. Later we will see him face to face.
We don’t know everything, but then we will,
just as God completely understands us.
¹³ For now there are faith, hope, and love.
But of these three, the greatest is love.

  







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Thanksgiving 2013

If I allow myself, I can have a splendid wallow in the muck of all the tough things I am dealing with.  MS.  Stage 4 cancer.  Severely diminished financial status.  Worst of all, most painful of all, estrangement from people that I love.  People I will always love and miss terribly.

There is a big however, however.  (giggle)  I am surrounded by an incredible, amazing, brilliant aura of love and support that is indefatigable.   This network includes childhood friends from growing up in the Bronx. My beloved cousin Steve, a stable, affectionate presence since I was born.  Classmates ranging from grade school to grad school.   Friends from my days as a young mother and La Leche League leader.  Friends from a lifetime of jobs, notably B. Dalton Books, The Asbury Park Press, teaching childbirth classes at Jersey Shore Medical Center, Healthnet.  Friendships that grew through our children’s friendships.  Friends from church.  Friends who used to be neighbors.   Friends I met through other friends.  Fellow writers.  These are true friends, not acquaintances.  These are people who have cried with me and for me, joined in prayer with me, laughed with me, shared their love and lives and individual gifts with me.  Most importantly, these are people who have never let me forget I am loved.  They bring light and joy to me as effortlessly as you would take a breath.  And when I express amazement and gratitude at their friendship, they express amazement that I am surprised.  It is a funny, continuous circle of “You love me?!?!  But why?!?  You are the one who is wonderful.  No, you are the one who is wonderful!  No, you are the one who is wonderful!”  And on and on.

Make no mistake, I have many, many low moments.  I am no Pollyanna.  Constant pain is overwhelming and can obliterate all sensible thought.  Fear of the unknown, of the future, or of the lack of a future, sneaks up on me, leaving me breathless and sick to my stomach.   Thinking of the losses I’ve experienced can make me bitter and full of self pity.  Animosity from people I love has been astonishing and heartbreaking.  There are many desperately down times and I have to struggle awfully hard to rise up.  Some days I barely make it.  But awareness of the incredible affection and sincerity of the dear ones around me holds me up, keeping me from sinking completely.  I know it sounds corny, and the phrase has been in more than a few song lyrics, but they give me the strength to keep going when there is so much threatening to drag me down.   

It is the dedication of all these remarkable people that gives me the capacity to say I have SO much to be thankful for.  Because I truly do.  I hope all of you reading this have as much to be grateful for as I do.

Happy Thanksgiving!! 

1 Corinthians 13:8

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A Great MS Walk!

Many, many thanks to everyone who supported Team Cooper in last Sunday’s MS Walk. There were 20 of us on the walk this year and we had a great morning. As usual in April, it was cool and windy on the boardwalk, but we had plenty of sunshine and super company. About 2000 people take part in the walk in Belmar, so the atmosphere is full of positive energy.

The best part is we are over 2/3 of the way to our goal. We have raised $2019.00 out of the $3000 we are shooting for. It is not too late!! I can still collect donations until June, so if you are so inclined, I would be incredibly grateful (click here to donate).

But I am still thrilled at the generosity of everyone who contributed, in person, financially or in spirit!! Thank you for bringing us that much closer to a cure for Multiple Sclerosis.

Thanks and No Thanks

While I have been in my funk and not keeping up my blog, I have actually been blessed with many things. Primarily, the blessings have taken the guise of people, so many people, who have expressed love and encouragement to me.

There have also been things that have been kind of crappy.

So I have made lists of each.

Thankful for:

My friend Christine. She has done things like bring me books when I was in the hospital and even my kids didn’t come visit me. She makes me laugh. She tells me I am wonderful. She introduced me to chocolate peanut butter pie. Oh wait, I am mad about that last one. But I still am grateful for Christine.

My sister, who I might go for weeks without seeing or speaking to, but we will start in mid-sentence where our last conversation ended. She knows. She gets it. I am glad she is my sister.

For Jane. Jane is a brilliant and hilarious writer from England. She writes a shriekingly funny blog http://www.janeturleydiaryofamadhousewife.blogspot.com/, which I love, and she writes for the BBC, which makes me dead jealous. Jane threatened me with [her] nudity if I didn’t start writing again. However, Jane dear, you forget about the picture of you standing behind the Prehistoric Woman picture board. I am so stupid, I didn’t realize it was a picture board and thought it was actually you, topless and dressed in furry rags. Right. In public, standing next to your husband and two of your children. Never mind how scary it is that I didn’t give it a second thought and considered you more brave than weird. My point is I already thought I had seen you naked. So that’s not much a threat now, is it Jane? You will have to come up with something better than that.

For chocolate peanut butter pie. Oh wait, I am mad about that one.

For my blog readers, who never give up on me and leave wonderful, warm, encouraging comments.

For my MS board friends, who never give up on me and say rude things that make me laugh my ass off.

For Cathy, who never gives up on me. Period.

For Trinity and my friends there, especially Michael, Bill and Dell, who never give up on me.

Dr. Wonderful, for not giving up on me, for actually sending a hand written note when I missed a follow-up appointment for my shoulder.

Dr. H, for not giving up on me even though I question everything.

Dr. B. for always letting me talk and acting like he is completely sympathetic even though he probably thinks I am a total Fruit Loop. For not giving up on me after all these years.

Hmmmm, I am sensing a pattern here.

Have I mentioned chocolate peanut butter pie?

So where was I…oh, right, the shitty stuff. It seems churlish to list bad things, but I will anyway, because that is just the kind of ingrate I am. lol (Oh, another thankful for: Barb, because she loves it when I say ‘churlish’.)

Not thankful for:

For a person dying last month from an infection related to the medicine I take to treat MS.

You know what? That’s enough not to be thankful for.

I’ll bet they weren’t too thrilled about it themselves.

IN CONCLUSION

Many, many truly humble thanks to those of you who have kept coming back even when I didn’t.

And just like that....

...it's over. Well for now. Right after I post my saddest, most brutally depressing post ever. How ironic.

It has happened so fast, I have not even gotten used to the idea yet.

I’ve been offered a temporary, three month position doing work for a large physician practice management organization (that is what my background is). They wanted me to start immediately. And so I will. :)

It has been so long and so hard, I am having a hard time getting excited or even feeling happy. I am relieved. It is a reprieve. If they like me, the assignment could be extended.

Oh my goodness. I feel as though I can breathe again. Although it is going to take so much work to clean up the mess this debacle has left behind. But I can only take on one thing at a time.

Thank you everyone for your good wishes and prayers and encouragement. Thank you to my family and my parish family and my friends, especially Christine and Cathy, who stuck by me and endlessly offered support and love and hope.

I have so much to be grateful for.

I’M WORKING AGAIN!!!!!!!!