Thursday I set foot for the first time ever onto an auto racetrack. Well, not the actual track, but the park it is in. I drove down from my home on the central Jersey Shore to the south west part of the state, where my cousin was photographing the race cars.
New Jersey is a small state. I have done a lot of traveling and I like to drive. But with the exception of the Steve part (oh, and a very nice woman I met and chatted with), my day was fraught with…fraughtness.
To keep things in proportion, because I always look on the bright side (hang on a second while anyone who knows me laughs their ass off), I will first list the good things that happened:
1) I found a pair of favorite earrings that I thought I had lost.
2) I got to see Steve.
3) I didn’t die.
Ok, that’s enough fairness and balance.
Here’s the rest of the day:
1) My dad was going to come with me, but he called to cancel because he didn’t feel good. So I started out the day worrying about him.
2) Due to steroids and MS and my broken shoulder and inactivity (Ok, ok,
OK!!! Due to ice cream and steroids and MS and my broken shoulder and inactivity. Sheesh. A girl can’t get a break.) I have grown to the size of a small planet and none of my clothes fit me. So after worrying about my dad came wanting to put my head in the oven.
3) I couldn’t find one of my pink sandals and made such a mess looking for it I couldn’t close my closet door. So after worrying about my dad and wanting to put my head in the oven I was
disgusted with myself for not being more organized.
4) The massive gauzy shirt I finally wore was a little too low cut in the front, so I had to strategically add a few stitches as to not terrorize anyone.
5) Because of all the previous, I got a late, panting, frantic start.
6) Ten minutes into my trip, my ‘Check Engine’ light went on and my internal ‘Massive Anxiety’ light went on with it. Neither light went off for the rest of the day.
7) I had printed out the directions, but without my father to read them, I was having a hard time following them. Actually, I couldn’t drive and follow them at all. But I know New Jersey!! I’ll get there no problem. (Once again, hang on a second for peals of laughter.)
8) I HATE being late, but knew after an hour I would be. Anxiety rising.
9) I HATE being late, but after two hours I already was. Anxiety rising more.
10) I HATE being late, but after two and a half hours I was even more late. Red alert.
11) I was lost.
12) Called Steve. I told him I was about fifteen minutes away. I actually did not know where I was.
13) Stopped and asked for directions. I really WAS fifteen minutes away. Or I would have been if I didn’t make another wrong turn.
14) After a half an hour Steve called. I was practically in tears. I was on track, finally, but I was still fifteen minutes away. I felt like I was in one of those horrible nightmares where no matter how hard you try, you can’t get where you’re going. Oh, wait!! I WAS in one of those horrible nightmares where no matter how hard you try, you can’t get where you’re going.
15) To distract myself, I started thinking about my witty response to an online article about Jessica Simpson’s disgusting claim that she only brushed her teeth three times a week. heh heh heh I crack myself up. Then realized I had forgotten to brush my own teeth.
16) Finally got to the track. I almost wept with relief. It had taken me over three hours.
17) Met a lovely lady who has MS and has been doing this race for 24 years, raising funds for MS research. As we were chatting, the stitches I had put in my blouse unraveled, leaving me with an alarming amount of cleavage showing. It was incredibly windy and the air kept ballooning up the blouse, causing me to have to tug at it non-stop in order to (semi-successfully) maintain some semblance of modesty.
18) Because I was so late, we were only able to spend about an hour together before Steve had to get going on the next leg of the trip, to Ohio.
19) I was so hungry after I said goodbye to him I could have chewed off one of my legs. I was in the middle of Lower Nowhere, NJ. The landscape was like this: woods, woods, trailer park, woods, trailer park, woods, Ike’s Crab House. Whoa! Sound of screeching brakes. It was like a mirage. I knew Mary Kate would be home that night, so to be on the safe side I ended up ordering $70 worth of food. After devouring a crab cake sandwich like a rabid wolverine and driving all the way home with a car reeking of seafood, I couldn’t even look at what I bought without gagging.
20) The trip back was much quicker, except for the two hours I was lost and driving in circles. I almost dropped onto my knees to kiss the driveway when I finally got home. I had left the house eight hours earlier.
Phew. I’m exhausted just remembering it. But it was so great to see my dear cousin that I would go through all of this again in a second. Honest.
