It has been a rough couple of months. And, as usual, my unhealthy coping mechanism
is going to ground.
But writing this blog has been one of the most fun and
rewarding things I have ever done and is definitely something I am not giving
up on. I have been jotting down a few
ideas for posts and as I feel better I will work them up and get them on line.
I had the surgery to remove the malignant tumor from my
breast last week and followed up with my surgeon yesterday. I cannot say enough good things about
her. The first surgeon I saw had me
frantic with fear due to my complicated medical history. When I met with Dr. C. for a second opinion,
her down to earth, direct manner was instantly reassuring. She was frank about concerns over potential
problems, but expressed confidence in managing them. At the
hospital for the surgery, I continued to be just bowled over by her easy going
presence. She was relaxed and cheerful
and hands on, no chore was beneath her.
She even helped out pushing my bed to the OR, rather than waiting for
the one whose job it was. You just
couldn’t help feeling assured by her all-around niceness. I actually asked her if she had been a nurse
before she was a physician, she was so unassuming, the antithesis of your usual
I-Am-God surgeon. She laughed and
ascribed it to her upbringing and OCD.
More reason to love her. She
makes you want to be her best friend. Or
maybe marry her.
Not to be left out, my anesthesiologist was outstanding as well. His clinical expertise combined with
incredible compassion truly helped in easing my considerable fear of the
anesthesia, in light of my lung complications.
Anyway, the follow up appointment was a mixed bag. She got the whole tumor, which turned out to
be the size of an egg. While there were
cancer cells in the margins, she believes she got it all out. That was the good news. I was surprised and dismayed to learn that after
discussing my case at a meeting this week, the team felt chemotherapy could be necessary. But with all my health problems, I might not
be well enough to withstand it. That was
upsetting on both levels. Then there is
the radiation, which is the usual protocol after a lumpectomy. I was really keeping any thought about the
whole process at the back of my mind, it was just too much to take in before
the surgery. But now that it is
imminent, the reality of what a trial it will be began to hit home. Radiation is done five days a week, Monday to
Friday, for six and a half weeks. With
my mobility issues, this is going to be tough.
It will be a challenge getting me there, it will be a challenge getting
me on the table and it will be a challenge for me to lay on my back for a
prolonged period of time. As with
everything else in my life, this will be really complicated.
Then I have the gall bladder issue. I still have a biliary drain in, a constant
source of discomfort and worry about potential infection. But we dare not attempt the surgery, because
God forbid I have complications, it will delay the breast cancer treatment
again, as it has been delayed over the past months by all my health crises.
Sigh.
I am working at staying positive. For one thing, I have a group of incredible,
wonderful, loving friends behind me. I
am inundated by cards, phone calls, visits and well-wishing on Facebook. I am
humbled by everyone’s faithfulness. I feel as though I owe it to them to keep
upbeat. If they have confidence in me,
who am I to be gloomy?
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