HELP!!!

I am the 50-something mother of four. I used to be a size 10, even after kids. Then my husband died and I went to work full time at a desk job. I gained 80 pounds in a year. And 14 years later I’m still dragging that deadly anchor around with me.

I’m miserable. I cringe when I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror. I can’t bear to have my picture taken. I look like a gnome. I look like a whale. I look like…you get the picture. Not a happy camper.

Now I have two weddings coming up. Both my sons are getting married in the fall. So I feel like this is finally do or die. I have to lose weight or spend each entire wedding day hiding from the photographer.

I joined a gym, but only went half-heartedly until a few weeks ago. The kids gave me 10 sessions with a personal trainer for my birthday. When my son first asked me if I would like that my impulse was to blurt out “Shit NO!!! I want something good!” But I realized this would be good for me, so I graciously thanked them.

Now I go to the gym at least three times a week. I do the treadmill for 30 minutes and the pool for 40. I am eating carefully, no junk, a lot of salad and fruit, I measure everything to check my portions.

But I’m still not losing!!!! Aaaaaggghhh!!!!! The weddings are in just a few months. What am I doing wrong?!?!?!