Sunday, September 23, 2012

Happy Bruceday

For our birthdays (fourteen years apart in life but two weeks apart on the calendar), my sister Cathy and I celebrated by going to see Bruce and the E Street Band play their first concert in the new MetLife Stadium here in New Jersey.  My daughter sweetened the deal by hiring a car to take us and my power wheelchair to the concert!  Woo hoo! 


It proved to be a…let’s see, how can I put this?  It proved to be an eventful evening.

My mobility is extremely limited, so it is really hard for me to get ready to go out.  Taking a shower and getting dressed exhausts me.   And since I rarely do go out, I was very anxious, nervous about getting around ok and worried about the level of pain I am struggling with.  Waiting for the car to pick us up, I was a neurotic mess.  My sister was talking me down, standing in the kitchen looking out the window when she says “Did you order a white stretch limo?”  And I start laughing because I think she is making a joke and she says “No, really, that’s what’s out there.”

So I pop up like a demented jack-in-the-box and to my horror I see that is exactly what is out there – a vehicle that we could never fit my power wheelchair into no matter how hard we tried.  I lurch out to the driveway, freaking out.  “What happened to the car I reserved?!?”  I cried.  The driver was like “What car?”  I told him we had to transport a power wheelchair and he said, oh no one told him that, but don’t worry, we’ll fit it in.

Then he saw it.

Acknowledging there was no way to fit the wheelchair, he started calling his office.  After forty five minutes of hemming and hawing, it was finally determined that I would have to go with my manual wheelchair, which meant I would be uncomfortable all night and my sister would have to push me everywhere.  By that time I had calmed down [somewhat] and was just grateful I was going to the concert.

On our way:


Cathy, innocently thinking the worst was behind us.

The rest of the limo.  We sat on the back seat giggling like mad.


Once on the road, he drove like a maniac.  We were plastered onto the back seat by the speed of the car.  Cathy kept murmuring “We’re gonna die.  I know it, we’re gonna die.”  And she’s the calm one.  I was actually relieved at first when we hit traffic, because it meant he had to slow down.  Or so I thought.  He would speed up to the car in front of us and then slam on the brakes, speed and slam, speed and slam, lurching the car repeatedly until I was so car sick I thought I was going to throw up.

At the stadium, which he had never been to before, he had no idea where he was going or where he was allowed to drop us off.  He finally unloaded us about a half a mile from the entrance we had to use and my sister had to push me all that distance, over uneven asphalt with few curb cuts.  Then I realized in the rush to get out of the car, as he had been blocking traffic, I had left my camera behind.  I was TICKED.

But we were here!!  We let all the car stuff go and were determined to have a blast!  We had floor tickets for Bruce!  It didn’t get better than that.  We gave in our tickets, went through security and got to the wheelchair section of the General Admission floor.  A staffer snapped “Where are your wristbands?!?”  Wristbands?  What wristbands?  “You need to get your wristbands at the white tent outside.”  Cathy goes, “I am not pushing my sister all the way back outside and then back again!”  He eyeballs me and replies, “Ok, you can leave her here, just take both tickets, they’ll give you her wristband.”  So Cathy goes and spends 15 minutes looking for the white tent.  But it actually was YELLOW.  He had told her the wrong color.  Then they wouldn’t give her two wristbands even though she explained the circumstances and she had two tickets.  Finally she got a hold of a manager who gave her two wristbands and initialed the tickets.  Inside, they stopped her and examined the initialed tickets as if they were classified government documents related to national security.  They would not let us sit until they verified the initials were valid!!  Finally we got situated on the platform, with strict instructions as to how we were to stay positioned.  We were exhausted, and the concert hadn’t even started yet!!

But what a concert it was!!  Phenomenal!  Bruce, 63 years old on September 23, played almost four straight hours.  He rocked, he mugged, he goofed around, but he was somber too.  He played a few more ballads than usual and gave some introspective intros.  He talked about the family ritual of going to Jersey Freeze for ice cream after dinner in the summer.  We did that too.  I often wonder if we were ever there at the same time on a hot summer night as children.  He told of his memories of his late father taking them to the cemetery to put flowers on his aunt’s graves.  My husband is buried in that same cemetery, not too far from Mr. Springsteen.  There are so many connections.  Bruce talked about how the older we get, the more ghosts walk with us.  As children we are afraid of ghost stories.  As we age, it is a comfort to have the company of the spirits of those we love.  That truly resonated when they showed a slide show of Clarence during Tenth Avenue Freeze Out.  At the line “…and the Big Man joined the band…” everything stopped and all those memories of Clarence flashed across the screen.  In some pictures they were so young!  It was really moving.  Then they started up again, clearly missing him but happy to have had him in the band.  Clarence’s nephew Jake is playing sax with the E Street Band now and he is fantastic.  And just so cute.

Bruce plucked a little girl from the audience to join him on Waiting on a Sunny Day.  She was absolutely adorable, he was hilarious, being a big ham, and it turns out she was the daughter of a friend of my sister’s.  Here is the video her dad took:





My sister went to get a drink and on the way back spoke to one of the staff about being able to get our car closer to the stadium to pick us up.  At first they said no, but she pushed the issue.  While the concert was going full blast, one of the staff came and screamed in my ear that they would get a cart to drive us to the car.  So I screamed back in her ear that was impossible, there was no way I could get in and out of a cart.  She got her team leader and he came over to me and screamed the same thing.  I was getting really upset.  I screamed back at him that I had paid a lot of money for these tickets and I wanted to enjoy the concert.  I added there was no way I could do the cart thing and I would discuss it after the concert was over.  I was close to tears and I was shaking with frustration and embarrassment.  He threw up his hands in an exaggerated gesture as if to say “This woman is impossible!” and that truly distressed me.  Bruce was about to start an encore, but this dispute had really taken a lot of the fun out of it for me.  Ironically, the band played something like six songs for an encore, so it was almost another hour before the concert was over.

By that time the team leader guy was gone and the staff member who oversaw the handicapped area of the General Admission section said to us, I will take you to your car and then said something else that made it sound as though they were going to let the car pull up.  But that was not the case.  She pushed me as far as the stadium border and then Cathy had to push me the rest of the way, a total of a half a mile again.  I gave the girl my card and I advised her that I was going to pursue this, as it appeared they were not complying with the Americans with Disabilities Act.  Not to mention, with very few exceptions, their customer service was appalling. 

It took a while to coordinate with the driver of our car in the parking lot, but finally we were on our way home.  There had been elements of the absurd and the stressful and the stadium fascists staff worked hard to make things as difficult as humanly possible.  But nothing could take away the pleasure I got from the great company of my beloved sister and an amazing concert by Bruce and the E Street Band.  


9/19/12  Saed Hindash/The Star Ledger

Next: The Limo Company and the Stadium Have Some Splainin’ to Do


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Sunday, September 9, 2012

Gotta Love Anderson




Here is yet another good reason to love Anderson Cooper!  Besides the obvious.  Ok, so I’m not his..um..type.  So what.  He is smart.  And funny.  And self-deprecating.  And gorgeous.  (See his very funny report on being on Celebrity Jeopardy.

So adorable.)

My friends Albert and Jackie and their two lovely daughters are a terrific family.  I went to high school with Albert and he and Jackie have been married for over 32 years.  To the outside world, their life is picture perfect.  They are close, affectionate and always smiling. They do not advertise the struggles they have endured over the years, although they have been significant.  When Albert’s father developed Alzheimer’s Disease, it was Albert and Jackie who took care of him until the end.  They are matter of fact about these things.  They have strong faith in God and they are still crazy about each other.   In a nutshell: these are good people who have had some hard times but they saw each other through it.  

So back to their girls.  The eldest, Shea, was scheduled to get married last August.  A big wedding was planned here on the beach at the Jersey Shore.  But an uninvited guest was barreling up the coast.  Hurricane Irene was predicted to make landfall the day of Shea’s wedding and all the big plans had to be cancelled, a tiny little celebration is hurredly organized instead.  But Shea’s priorities are straight because of the way she is raised and she is just grateful to be marrying the man she loves.

Fast forward to this spring.  Shea and hubby Matt end up on the Anderson Cooper Show talking about wedding disasters and how important wedding insurance is.  The whole family is excited.  Jackie and Albert are whisked into the city by limo, courtesy of the show.  Albert is like a little kid taking it all in, the Green Room, the set, and finally, Anderson himself.  “He’s the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.” Albert says solemnly.  And apparently one of the nicest, welcoming him and Jackie personally, shaking their hands, thanking them for coming, congratulating them on their lovely daughter.

Gloria, you did a good job raising him.

So the show starts, Shea and Matt tell their story and Anderson springs it on them: they have actually invited them on the show to give them the wedding of their dreams, in the Bahamas.  And a great big wedding party up here in Jersey to make up for the one they didn’t get to have.  So everyone is crying and happy and in love with Anderson.

You can watch the clip here (and see Albert surreptitiously wiping his eyes, right over Anderson’s left shoulder.)


Yes, in the scheme of things a wedding is not life or death.  Shea knows that.  But it is good to see something nice happen to really, really good people.  And this time it did.

Thanks, Anderson.


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Friday, August 17, 2012

Elvis Has Left...

Elvis Presley passed away on August 16, 1977. While that wasn’t one of his best days, I happen to hold that date in particular fondness.

When my brother and sister were young, they often would visit for a week or so with my husband and I during the summer while they were out of school. It was a novelty for them to spend time in New York, where we lived at the time, and they were good company for us and our new baby boy. We loved having them around, they were fun kids.

The summer of 1977 was a memorable one. The Son of Sam was still at large. There was a blackout that July that lasted for days and resulted in horrific rioting and looting in the city. It seemed as though it was HOT all the time. The Yankees were in their 75th season and they were on their way to another World Series. So when my brother Tom came to stay with us that August, it was only natural to head up to the Bronx to catch a game.

Even though he was just 14, Tom was one of the funniest people I knew. On the train he kept up a running monologue that was hilarious, relating a complicated saga that involved my father, a pile of laundry and an alarm clock that had a short in it. I cannot for the life of me remember how these things were connected, but he had us laughing so hard we were crying. There was an older black lady sitting on the seat behind us, trying to pretend she wasn’t listening to him. She was actually shaking silently with laughter as he pricelessly mimicked my father.

The game itself was a nail biter. The Yankees were leading by 5 until the ninth inning when the Chicago White Sox pulled ahead and the score was 9 to 10. It looked like the game was over. But Chris Chambliss hit a two run homer in the bottom of the ninth and the Yankees ended up winning 11 to 10.

So we were in great spirits as we headed home. On the train, a man was reading the late edition of the Post. It was flopped over so you could only see part of the headline, “ELVIS AT”, but not the other two words. So Tom starts leaning over to try to read the rest. He kept sinking down and down until finally he was practically lying on the subway floor. At that point the man slowly lowered the paper and stared down at him. Without moving Tom looked up at us and said “DIES 42”. And the three of us got hysterical laughing. Poor Elvis.

Of course thirty five years on and Tom is a grown man now, with a family of his own. He is still hilariously funny and witty and I love him. But we had a disagreement ten years ago over my mother’s seventieth birthday party and he hasn’t spoken to me since. I’ve made overtures, without any luck. I miss him terribly.

I note the anniversary of Elvis’s death every year for a different reason than everyone else. I think of a fine, long ago summer evening and three people who no longer exist as they were. I gratefully remember my little brother, my handsome young husband and my sweet naĂ¯ve self as we shared a few happy hours filled with fun and affection and innocent laughter.


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Sunday, August 12, 2012

Class of 1972

Photo courtesy of RBC website.


This coming weekend I will be attending my 40th high school reunion. ha ha ha ha  That is REEE-DICULOUS!! There is no way it has been FORTY YEARS since I graduated from Red Bank Catholic High School. Why, that would make me fifty seven years old.

Oh, wait. I AM fifty seven years old. How did that happen?!?!

In the past forty years I have gone through four years of college, married, learned to drive, had four children, moved nine times, traveled, graduated from nursing school, buried my husband, got my Master’s degree, built a successful career, lost my beloved grandparents, my best friend and my mother, fell in love and had my heart broken, converted from Catholicism to the Episcopal Church, bought my dream home, became disabled by multiple sclerosis, became estranged from almost all of my family and, finally, have focused once again on writing, which I have known since childhood I was meant to do.

I guess that is a way to make forty years go by quickly.

Those are just the most momentous occurrences in my personal life. That summary does not reflect all the wonderful friends I have made along the way and still have. It doesn’t include all the quiet, lovely moments that bring true joy to our lives: my children’s, and, now, my grandchildren’s laughter, good books, perfect cups of tea, impeccable martinis, shared confidences, spontaneous expressions of affection, bonds of understanding and empathy. There have been so, so many of these over forty years as well.

The classmates I will gather with are a big-hearted, kind, generous group of people. Some have been close for all these years, some of us have rarely seen each other, but the welcome is warm for everyone. There is no teenage angst, insecurity or need to be cool. That is, thank heaven, all in the past. Now we meet on common ground, veterans of forty additional years of struggles and accomplishments, with an appreciation of how short life is and what is truly important. I think it is safe to say that for all of us, it has been quite a ride.

Hooray that we’re still here to celebrate surviving and thriving.

In 1972:

The French Connection won the Best Movie of the Year.

The Candy Man by Sammy Davis was the number one song the week we graduated.

Gas averaged 55 cents a gallon.

Average new home cost $27, 550.00.

Average income was $11,000.

Wrangler jeans cost $12.00.

There was no Monmouth Mall, it was still the Monmouth Shopping Center.

Unemployment was 5.9%.

The Newark Evening News and the Red Bank Register were still being published.

Carole King swept the Grammy’s and won Record (It’s too Late), Album (Tapestry) and Song of the Year (You’ve Got a Friend).

First class stamps cost 10 cents.

Gallon of milk was $1.10.

All in the Family was the number one TV show.

And the Casey’s Class of 1972 entered history.

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Friday, August 3, 2012

BlogHer Conference

I am very happy to currently be in New York City attending BlogHer'12, a conference for women bloggers. The keynote opening speaker yesterday was President Obama himself, through live video feed from the White House. Today's keynote speaker was Martha Stewart, tomorrow will be Katie Couric.

Please check out my blog posts about the conference here: www.msrenegade.com

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Tuesday, July 24, 2012

It‘s Good to Be the Queen

 
My dear friend Mrs. Oppenheimer and I (She calls me Mrs. Oppenheimer, too.  It’s a long story.) had a running joke that there had been a huge cosmic error along the line and somewhere someone was leading our Princesss lives while we were stuck in their miserable peasant existence.

Okay, we weren’t really joking.

But who knew someone was way ahead of us in reclaiming their royal turf by writing Queen of Your Own Life: The Grown-up Woman’s Guide to Claiming Happiness and Getting the Life You Deserve?  They were so ahead of us the book was published two years ago and this is the first I’m hearing of it.

I haven’t read it yet.  It does appear to have a few strikes against it for a literary snob like me.  For one thing, it is published by the same publisher who puts out Harlequin romances.  And one of the authors was behind the marketing of the South Beach diet.  That just strikes me as a little shallow.  But the chapter titles are promising.  Here are a few: "Build deep, fulfilling friendships with other women (Choosing your court)"; "Establish firm boundaries that will strengthen all your relationships (The Huns are at the Border)" and "Discover the simple trick to finally being happy (the subtitle is a little scatological, so I will discreetly allow you to discover it for yourself.)"

Even though I haven’t read it, and it appears to be lightweight, it clearly has some good thoughts, presented in a tongue-in-cheek manner.  I have maintained for decades that my women friends have been the core of my life.  I don’t know what I would have done without their love, encouragement, support, laughter and wisdom.   I swear by boundaries, having had numerous Huns at the border throughout my life.  They have usually been relatives.  Stymied by limits, now they are relatives who no longer speak to me.   It is sad having no one show up for your daughter’s wedding from your side of the family.  But it beats the alternative of drama, Gaslight-like craziness, veiled criticism, overt jabs and, in some cases, flat out meanness.  Although the entertainment factor has been reduced dramatically.

I am still working on the simple trick of finally being happy.  I was getting there.  In my late forties I was more accepting of myself and less judgmental in general than ever.  I felt very peaceful with where I was in life.  I loved my job.  I bought my dream home.  The kids were happy and on their way to great adulthoods.  Getting sick shook that satisfaction and sense of where I was in the world right out of me.  My career, my finances, my family and, obviously, my previously rude good health, have literally imploded over the past seven years.  I am having a hard time picking up the pieces.  I have a simple affirmation at the top of my blog “Remember this every day: You are fabulous.  Believe it. You are. ”  I truly do believe that – for everyone but me.  As I struggle to cope with this horrible disease, I am ashamed of my weakness and lack of grace and acceptance.  Other people tell me I inspire them and I have no clue what they are talking about.  Inspiring?  I think I am pathetic.  But I keep trying to hold my head up and focus on the positive where I can.  Trying is about all I can manage right now.  It is constant work and I back slide all the time.  But I do believe YOU are fabulous, you Queen, you!  (Or King, as the case may be.)

I'm looking forward to it.   If you are interested, you can find it here:

 

If nothing else it will be a fun read and a good reminder that we all deserve the best.  Here is their website, http://www.queenofyourownlife.com/, which includes a link to create your own coat of arms, http://www.queenofyourownlife.com/wp-content/uploads/COAT_OF_ARMS_P.jpg.  How could I resist wasting hours of Photoshopping (well, Paint.net, actually, because it is free)?!?!  So here is mine:


The field is green for Ireland, where all but one ancestor, my father’s father, emerged from.  The ordinary is red for the Red Cross, because I am in dire need of aid.

The barrel in the center is for Cooper, the barrel maker.  I have two ferocious cats as supporters, and my symbols are a quill and book for scholarship, a bee because I have always been as busy as one, a celtic harp for love of music and yarn and a sewing needle for love of fiber arts.  Two shamrocks adorn the top next to my crown.  And my motto is on the bottom (nod to Monty Python): “Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.”  Because I have never expected it but have been blindsided by its equivalent more times than I care to remember.

Long live each Queen!
 
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Monday, July 9, 2012

Squandering the Gift of Free Speech (A Soap Box Post. Sorry. :( )


I am posting this at the risk of alienating some people who matter to me.  However, I think the ones who matter most will get it and are smart enough to care.  It may come across as naĂ¯ve or pompous or arrogant, but it is truly from my heart.

I know many good, kind and generous people.  People who love and honor their spouses.  People who have been proud and loving parents.  People who have a deep devotion to their church and to their God.  People who are generous to charities, committed to protecting the environment and are nice to animals.

With the presidential election looming, these same people, people I ordinarily like and sometimes admire and occasionally am related to, are frequently posting things like this on Facebook (I have not changed spelling or punctuation):

  •  Cartoons depicting the President being pulled over in Arizona with an officer demanding birth certificate and proof of citizenship.
  •   “Somewhere in Kenya a village is missing it’s idiot.”
  • A condemnation of Michelle Obama for buying a snack apple pie.
  • An accusation that President Obama does not attend church.
  • Direct quote: “note to self - do not discuss, debate, or simply point out something to a liberal. they just can't comprehend. always was always will be.”
  • Anti-gay rhetoric and virulent anti-Obama, anti-Democrat and anti-‘liberal’ rhetoric. And this same person also posted a picture that says “Karma: what goes around comes around/Keep your circle positive / Say good words, Think good thoughts, Do good deeds  She clearly does not recognize the irony.  (emphasis mine)
  • This is also the person who has flat out stated: “I will not be voting for Obama and I will begin posting why. If you like President Obama and plan on voting for him, please delete yourself from my page OR remain silent. Any negative comments or offensive posts will be deleted, so will the offender who posted them.” (emphasis mine)
  •   Calling the First Lady of the United States “Moochelle” “…because she is a cow.”  And getting numerous “likes” and “lol’s”. 
  • A picture of a dog with the saying “I don’t always pee on political yard signs but when I do they say Obama.”  We are talking about the President of the United States here.  Figuratively urinating on the President of the United States.
  • A picture of Monica Lewinsky with a saying about Democrats that is so vulgar I refuse to repeat it.
  •   “The Obama Value Meal, order anything you want and the guy behind you has to pay for it.”  Attributed to Conan O’Brian, but that is not correct, he never made this ‘joke’. (Verified with Snopes.)
  • Sneering references to the ‘scum’ on Medicaid, lazy slobs taking handouts while these upright, hardworking citizens have to carry them on their backs.  They apparently forget that I, their friend &/or relative, a person who worked hard my whole life, am now a disabled Medicaid recipient.  And that they could become the same in a millisecond.

Reading these things is painful and embarrassing.  To me, these are prime examples of what is wrong with our current political process and why I despair of any solution.  People are not concerned citizens.  They are rage-filled, hate-spewing, knee-jerk responding citizens.   It is one thing to state your opinion about political issues, using facts, and alternately being open to someone else’s perspective.  It is quite another to state it is your way or the highway and then spout half-truths to flat out lies and not bother, or care, to find out what the facts are. 

I was not a fan of George W. Bush, to say the least.  And I was not shy about saying so.  But I would never have endorsed a laughing reference to a dog urinating on his name, and by extension, him.  I would never have referred to Laura Bush as a ‘cow’.  I respected her as a dignified, educated woman who was devoted to her family.  Exactly like Michelle Obama. 

Many of these Facebook criticisms are distorted factoids.  The Obamas go to church.  Perhaps not every Sunday, but neither do a lot of otherwise very good people.  There are numerous images of them attending services at the beautiful St. John’s Episcopal Church, which is right behind the White House.  They have worshipped in other churches as well.

President Obama has a valid birth certificate and is a legitimate citizen of this country.  His birth announcement was  in several Hawaiian papers when he was born.  Do people really think a conspiracy could stretch back that far and be that widespread?  Come on.  Consider it from this base but true perspective: people are blabbermouths.  A secret like that would be just too juicy to keep.

There are many more such mis-statements or attributions.  But my main point here is the lack of civility, the absence of reasonable, objective consideration.  It is bad enough to lump all Republicans or Democrats into labeled cubbyholes, leaving no room for compromise or discussion.  But to belittle people who hold high office, and doing the same to their unfortunate families, is simply unproductive disrespect.

I am no saint.  Search my blogs and Facebook pages and you might find the occasional snide political remark.  But I have become more uncomfortably aware that it is too easy to turn the tables on that sort of commentary, too easy to have it turned back on you.   Because they are cheap shots.  And I have become increasingly dismayed by the ugliness of the messages, on both sides, and the unfairness of them.  Especially, now, for me, the cracks about lazy, greedy recipients of Federal benefits.  

It is an important part of the democratic process to be openly critical when needed.  I do want politicians called on their actions.  Or inactions.  But called respectfully.  I want civil dialogue, not tit-for-tat sniping.  I want responsibility and caring for the future of America.  It is going to be an expensive future, without a doubt.  Being the best comes at a price.  But cost does not have to be financial hemorrhage.  Bipartisan, rational oversight of government programs can achieve responsible spending.   

Why is everyone not demanding an end to the name calling, the mocking, the blame?  It distracts us from the true issues.  Michelle Obama ate an apple snack pie?  Ok, she is a champion of healthy eating and reducing child obesity.  But what was probably a 150 calorie snack was newsworthy?  It is shameful that non-incident was a focus instead of, say, profiling the Affordable Care Act, examining what parts work well and how it might be improved to make it a law that is not simply humane, but truly fiscally responsible.  There are a lot of smart people out there.  Imagine what could be accomplished if there was cooperation.  Instead, we have perpetual log jams of hostility over almost every problem facing our country.  Self-interest rules. The focus is on being right, not doing right.

Hannah Arendt called it the banality of evil.  Ordinary people who are ordinarily good can be capable of incredible hatred and dangerous, contagious animosity.  We have to get it together, America, with together being the operative word.   Will reason ever prevail?  Can anyone appreciate the power and dignity of respect anymore?  Civil discourse is our only hope for action that will benefit all Americans.  I am so afraid we are never going to get there.

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