It’s three minutes to two when I glance at the clock. My insides twitch and the split second thought shoots across my brain, “Better get a move on, the work day is almost over.”
But then I remember. I’m not working anymore. People all over the country, all over the world, will look at their clocks and watches and computers at three minutes to two and think they better get a move on. But I’m not one of them. And with that realization my insides twitch even harder.
I am filling my days with cleaning and organizing. But I start one project, make an enormous mess, feel completely overwhelmed and then move on to another one. So the whole house now looks as though I’ve been burgled.
In between organizing, I knit and I read and I write and I job hunt. But those things overwhelm me too and I find I cannot do any of them for more than ten minutes at a time.
The job hunt feels so futile. I applied online for a position with a large managed care company. I sent the electronic submission at 10:58 am. At 11:04 am I received a thanks-but-no-thanks e-mail. The job description fit my résumé almost word for word. Yet somehow it still only took six minutes for them to reject me. I did not feel as though this boded well for my future employment potential. It makes me wonder if there is some secret, subliminal code in my CV that says “Don’t hire her; she’s a loser.” Or maybe there is a Ten Most Unwanted list that Human Resource Departments cross reference.
I am developing a Bad Attitude.
I had lunch with a high school friend that I hadn’t seen in years. Catching up meant many tales of woe. When we came out of the restaurant, I had a flat tire. This sweet woman was so upset for me. But to me, a flat tire is now the equivalent of breaking a nail. It still makes me smile a little bit to think she thought it was a big deal.
Basements full of sewage are a big deal.
No heat during a blizzard is a big deal.
Losing your job is a big deal.
A flat tire? Practically a lucky break.
Not that I’m bitter or anything.
I try to remind myself that life is good.
I still do believe that, but I have to work a little harder at it right now.
On the plus side, it is Spring.