Saturday, January 9, 2010


Boo Hoo Me

Since the demise of my laptop it has been awfully hard to type on my desktop. Don’t get me wrong, I am endlessly grateful for the fact I have a back up computer. But there is something about the angle, the height of the desk, something, that just causes my operated arm to ache terribly after only a few minutes.

It limits the time I spend online, so I have not been writing, or corresponding, as I should be. I will be rectifying that before too long by either a repair or replacement, but I have not been up to getting that taken care of.

MS has been kicking my butt for the past few weeks. I suppose the stress of the surgery combined with the holiday, it just ramped everything into high gear. The exhaustion, even after doing absolutely nothing, is astonishing. I have had to cancel long looked forward to plans at the last minute several times because I could barely contemplate mustering the strength to brush my teeth, never mind get dressed.

New Readers

I was thrilled to discover I had new readers this month who actually left comments. Unfortunately, they were Asian pornographers. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But I didn't think they were a particularly good fit with the rest of you. So I did delete their comments. If I am wrong and you guys would love some nice explicit Asian porn on my blog, just let me know. I can always reconsider.

No Christmas Miracle

Last Sunday afternoon I eyeballed my now useless laptop and thought “Maybe I could fix it?”

(Kindly reserve all laughter until the end.)

People fix computers. I am a people. Ergo, I can fix computers.

So I got my beading tool kit with the teeny tiny screwdrivers. I asked my beloved Grandma to be with me in spirit, because I know she knew how important my laptop was to my career and my writing. I put on a CD of Celtic Christmas Carols, you know, to get that ethnic support thing going. I ate a tootsie roll, for strength. And I got to work.

At the start, I was fully aware that anyone who was murmuring ‘righty tighty, lefty loosey’ as they unscrew teeny little screws has no business opening up an expensive electronic appliance. This did not stop me.

I opened everything carefully, stared at the contents in awe, blew away some dust and said a prayer. I put everything back together, confident I had performed a marvel.

Alas, it was not to be. And I always hated those freaking bagpipe Christmas Carols.

Christmas and New Year

All my children and my precious grandson came together to celebrate Christmas Eve at my house. I love them all so much. They are funny and smart and truly good people.

I grew up in New York City and my childhood Christmas memories revolve around the city. It was a ritual to visit my father’s Fifth Avenue office at Christmas time. I would be in my holiday finery of a crinoline stuffed dress, a wool coat with a velvet collar, usually leggings to match and a white fur muff that hung around my neck on a satin string. Patent leather Mary Janes and white tights completed the outfit. Hideously uncomfortable yet adorable. Just the way I eventually tortured my own children.

After being paraded through the offices, we would walk the few blocks down to Rockefeller Center. I would gape at Atlas holding the world, which for some reason always fascinated me. The lights on Saks always enthralled me too, and then, there they were, the familiar welcoming, trumpeting angels that preceded the tree.

I never remember eating dinner, although I suppose we did. Because next on the agenda was the Christmas show at Radio City. We always went in a private entrance because…I have no idea why. My grandfather was a popular police lieutenant in that precinct and I think that had something to do with it, he must have gotten VIP tickets. When we were dating and my husband once said something about the long lines to get into Radio City I had no idea what he was talking about. We would go in a side door and up an elevator that I remember was lined with tufted, wine colored velvet. I guess I was a little bit spoiled.

(This picture is Rockefeller Center in 1955, when I was a year old)

Moving Forward

I want to say I have been under the weather, but for me that actually means under the covers in a major funk. And who wants to hear about that?!?!

While wallowing in misery is just about one of my favorite occupations, I do occasionally make half-hearted attempts to raise my self-pitying spirits.

There is therapy of course, where my beloved therapist offers me a million tools that I promptly forget the minute I walk out the door and revert to my one of my other favorite occupations, self loathing.

I also listen to meditation and affirmation CD’s. I know, I know, images of Stuart Smalley. So what’s so wrong with that? They actually are helpful, if slightly comical. (And by the way, if you have never seen Stuart Saves His Family, do yourself a favor, it is hysterical, especially for anyone who grew up in a dysfunctional household and/or has any familiarity with twelve step programs.)

My favorite inspirational CD’s are by Belleruth Naperstak. I really like her guided imagery but I love the affirmations.

These are the ones that speak to me the most:

Regarding my own strength:

I salute my ability to survive and my courage to heal in spite of what I have experienced.

I understand that there are treasures waiting to be discovered in the anguish of my past.

I know that I have things to do, gifts to give, purposes to accomplish that require my full strength and courage and peace of mind to do this.

Regarding obtaining strength from the people in my life, past and present:

I am aware that I am surrounded by a protective cushion of all the kindness, tender thoughts, good wishes, prayers, gentle smiles and sweet gestures that have ever been sent my way.

The most comforting of all:

I know that I am held in the hands of God and I am perfectly, utterly safe.

Happy New Year everyone!! I’ve missed you!

To leave you with a smile, here is the original trailer from Stuart Saves His Family. The cheapskates have not allowed any clips onto You Tube.



A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

So those Asian porn people struck you, too? Even with your word verification? Damn.

Glad you're back. Good luck with the computer situation.

Webster said...

Hmmm. Asian porn people. I think I'll pass.

I hope you get your laptop fixed soon because I miss you.

Be well.

Val said...

Your laptop story cracked me up! I know just what you mean...

Feel better chica! It's great to hear from you :)

Jane Turley said...

Ahhh Hello Marie! I am hoping 2010 will be an easier year for you... less pain and more writing!

No new PC from those kids of yours? You need to kick their sorry arses. What's a kid for if he can't cough up a nice new laptop for his mum at Christmas eh?! Don't tell me you got a biro instead?!

That Stuart Smalley film looks funny - I'd not heard of it over here. Therapy is good - but I prefer the chocolate kind:)

Asian pornography? Hmm... I never get such luck:) The best I've got so far is "This is a nice site, you have some interesting posts. Let's exchange links...." Yeah, like they've read any of them... delete!!

Okay you need a joke. Here's one;

Man to friend;

I rescued a woman of the train tracks last night. I took her home and we had sex... everywhere! In the bathroom, kitchen..the lounge. It was fabulous!


Wow! That was geat! Was she a looker??


I dunno - her head was missing.

Yeah, I know. Bad:))

Keep at it Marie! Jane XX

Marie said...

Oh my goodness I had no idea how MUCH I missed you all until I read your comments. It came flooding back to me that your friendship's are such a gift. Thank you all for hanging in there with me!

I don't believe in New Year's resolutions, but if I did I would resolve to write more often to stay connected to you wonderful women (and the occasional male).

LM: You got the porn too?! Maybe they're trying to tell us something? lol

Webster: You are so sweet! I have missed all of you too. I am hoping to get my laptop fixed this week. Or get a new one. :(

Val: It is so good to see your happy face!! Laptops suck. Unless of course they are working. Then they are the most wonderful things next to alcohol.

Jane, Jane, Jane I am SO happy yo hear from you. You have been on my mind and I watched Love Actually yesterday and so wanted to be in London and a stone's throw from you.

You know, I didn't tell anyone, but I thought my kids might surprise me with a laptop. I guess not getting one was the surprise. lol

I cannot kick their arses because I am really short and they are all really tall. The best I could do would be shins.


At any rate, they did do better than a biro at least. lol This year we had agreed to a Secret Santa and one gift each. None of us needs anything (except a laptop) so we decided the stress of running around buying a dozen gifts for each other 'just because' spoiled the holiday. So I got a bookstore gift certificate, just like I wanted.

I gave them a few extra things to open just because I am a mom and I filled their stockings. Alas, there was nothing in my stocking except air. But air can be a good thing. I like to breathe it.

To be fair, my DIL gave me two lovely little extra things as well.

I wonder if you could get the Al Franken Stuart DVD over there? If not, let me know, I'll send it to you.

I knew you'd go for the porn, you randy thing you. It wasn't Pierce though, so you would not have been interested.

LOVE the joke!! You are so bad. That is why I love you. Be well. xoxoxo

Jane Turley said...

Ahhh...London is just like Love Actually at the moment...white all over. We have snow, snow, snow.. and more snow on the way. The boys have missed so much school (quietly sending me mad) and this week maybe more too. When the next lot of snow arrives I shall be out photographing the English countryside for my blog:)

Kids - who'd have 'em?! Never get what you want. Although book tokens are good... one always likes a little special thing too. should see some of my gifts. (Again something else to do for my blog!)Let's just say - some of them are only fit for wiping your **** on:)

I will check out that DVD - in the meantime send me your address please. A woman has gotta have more than book tokens for a prezzie. I heard inflatables are light to send.... well mine was.

Oops...did I give something away there???

Ps..Still keen on David D? No reason..just curious.....

The Mother said...

Nice to hear from you, Marie.

On the laptop issue--my FIL is going on 80 and is learning to fix computers. I'm guessing it isn't as hard as it looks (insert laugh track as appropriate).

Marie said...

Jane: I hope I used the right e-mail. Let me know if you didn't get it.

Mother: Another faithful friend! How lucky I am that you all stick with me.

Now regarding the laptop. Well, I'm not 80, am I? That is clearly the problem. Give me another 25 years and I will be fixing those suckers like nobody's business. lol

Margaret said...

While saving up for your laptop, get Dragon Naturally Speaking. You know how i hate to type. With this software and a headset, you can be dictating your posts directly into your blog with no arm involvement. The microphone does get in your way when you try to take a sip of tea, but it's a trade off.

leela said...

I hear you about the fatigue! The amount of time I'm able to be up and (relatively) alert is getting smaller and smaller. But hey, we kick some ass when we manage to pry our eyes open, eh? ;)

I'm the other way around with computers. I gave my laptop to my daughter a few years back because I couldn't use it without my shoulders getting numb and hurting (yes, for readers who don't have MS, it's possible to be numb and still feel pain!). But I don't have a problem with my desktop, maybe because I have one of those keyboard shelves that slide out at a lower level than the desk itself?

If you're interested in tips on where to find the best deals for laptops online, let me know and I'll pass the word to the resident computer geek.

At any rate, I was very glad to see your new entry. Your humor and grace never fail to cheer me up. :)

Anonymous said...

It's so nice to hear from you, read your blog, and share your challenges sprinkled with humor. You have such talent, not to mention a strength beyond measure!

I'm sorry your laptop fell and crashed. I won't take up your time with why Mac's are better than PC's or any of that stuff....hehe. But, I have seen PC's for as low as $500 at Best Buy (check on line for specials) I'm still not going to mention how great Macs are! :) lol

I also read about MM being passed in Jersey which will be great for you. And while I'm on that topic...have I mentioned I met a friend of yours (C) in December while I was in NJ for a few days? She came over Judy's with my sister in law, Patty. We spoke about you while ....well, you know! :) lol She's a very nice person. *I'm talking in code trying to keep her anonymity* ha!

And your memories of NYC at Christmas with your Dad are precious. They brought back great memories for me too. I did the same thing with my grandmother who owned a Bridal shop in Shrewsbury. She would dress me (I had the same muff, coat, and shoes! lol) and take me on her on buying trips. During Christmas she and I would go to Radio City, the tree at ROC, St. Patrick's, Sacks, Tiffany's, and my favorite for hot chocolate ....The "famous" Horn & Hardart! So, in keeping with traditions, in December, I flew out to relish in those memories once again.

Thank you for sharing. Thank you and being a constant inspiration to many including me. Much love and prayers for you this year. And more prayers that you feel better soon. XO ~g

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