Out of Control

So, I knew I was out of control when I found myself making Kraft Macaroni and Cheese one night for dinner. I have not had Kraft Macaroni and Cheese for a meal since I was about five years old. I do believe that is also the last time I thought it tasted good. I was at someone else’s house at the time. I was thrilled to be eating something that was both advertised on TV and as orange as a neon sign.

I don’t remember who it was that made it for me, but I do remember my mother was appalled when she found out. My mother is an excellent cook and, additionally, loves to prepare and truly appreciates good food. Macaroni and cheese out of a box was an anathema to her. She refused to buy it and I never tasted it again until college. At which time I nearly choked on the grossness of it.

Even my children didn’t like Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.

But one recent day in the supermarket it almost literally called out my name. I tossed it in my cart with all the other food that was really, really bad for me. And I went home and made it.

Nothing could be easier than preparing this…um…food product. First you boil the cute little noodles. Then it calls for four tablespoons of margarine. HA! Pussies! I used butter. FIVE tablespoons. You mix in the packet o’ orange chemicals. They call it “Cheese Sauce”, but I am pretty certain they are not fooling anyone. Finally, in goes a splash of milk, I think primarily to give you the illusion that you are about to consume something wholesome.

At that point I didn’t so much eat it as let it slither down my throat. It was filling, I will give you that. And you know what is awesome on top of it? No, not ice cream silly! (Note to self: consider ice cream over mac and cheese.) Ketchup!!! My favorite condiment that I slather over anything I can because I wasn’t allowed to when I was young. Now that’s maturity!

One serving of this culinary delight comes in at a horrifying 410 calories. Not counting the ketchup. And the extra calories from butter instead of margarine. And the extra butter. And the second serving.

*SIGH*

This past year was not a total wash however. I did lose two pounds. Two pounds in one year.

At this rate, I am going to be one smokin’ ninety year old!!

Stop Me Before I Eat Again!!!

When I started this blog, I was sooooo earnest. So serious. So certain that I would rapidly return to my previous normal weight.

Hahahahahahahaha

Partly because I broke my shoulder, partly because I was immobilized for three months, partly because I did a course of steroids, partly because I just couldn’t get my act together, that never happened.

When the New Year rolled around, I figured, aha, new beginning. And it was. I began to eat everything in sight.

I have only slowed down because I HAVE CONSUMED ALL THE FOOD IN NORTH AMERICA!!!!

You think I’m kidding? Go look in your refrigerator. Go ahead. Go. Look. All you’ll find is a wilted celery stick and a jar of pickle juice. I ate everything else.

So this is where I should be falling back on old platitudes about how tomorrow is another day, I just have to give it another try, I know I can do it, blabbity blah blah blah.

I am not going for any of that right now. I just wanted to whine.

Nourish is One Year Old!

Happy anniversary to me!



Because it is my anniversary and because I love to laugh more than anything in the world AND because I love cats, I am posting these examples of my infantile sense of humor.

I think these are hysterical!



more animals



more animals



more animals



more animals


I know, cheap laughs, but good ones!

I will write something erudite and meaningful...another day.

The Shamefaced Awards

There is so much incredibly horrible junk out there in the blogging world, it gives us a bad name. There are blogs that are sloppy, boring, inane, profane and some that are borderline illiterate.

When you offer up your blog address, people roll their eyes or, if they are more polite, give a tight little smile and say “Oh, sure, I would love to read your blog” while they are thinking “I would rather have my kidney removed through my nose.”

However, there is some work out there that is simply wonderful. Beautifully written, funny, thought provoking and touching. The good ones usually find each other too, so you can end up spending hours sometimes going from blog to blog, discovering a new voice and a new perspective with each one. It is like browsing in a great big library without leaving your chair.

Most bloggers are very generous as well. Generous enough to share their lives and their thoughts and their talent, but also gracious enough to share their praise. This is my LONG overdue post to describe some of the awards I have been honored with over the past several…um...months. Yes, I said months. That is where the shamefaced part comes in. What I should be getting an award for is Ingrate of the Decade.


AWARD THE FIRST
(what can I say? I've been watching too much Blackadder)


“Marie-I have an award for your blog at my place. You may pick it up whenever you wish. Congratulations.
~ tricia”

Tricia wrote those words on October 30, 2008 in her blog, Papercages.
Somehow I don’t think she intended “whenever you wish” to mean MORE THAN THREE MONTHS. But better late than never. No, I think that is a ridiculous saying, because the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. However, it is the thought that counts. AAAAGGGHHHH! Somebody stop me!!

Tricia’s award came with rules. I hate rules. They make my head hurt. But I will try to be a good girl, since she was nice enough to give me the award.

I am asked to nominate 7 other bloggers for the award. Here are some blogs that I really enjoy. Some of them are funny. Some of them are funny and wise. Some are gentle and thoughtful. Some are all of these. I was going to split them into categories, but God forbid I put someone in a ‘funny’ category when they think they should be in a ‘thoughtful’ category!! That would be horrible. “Here’s an award, let me hurt your feelings”. Yikes!

Anyway, here they are IN NO SPECIAL ORDER:

lilaphase

A Nice Place in the Sun

On the Verge

The Mother’s Handbook

Somewhere in New Jersey (Great pictures, too!)

Dead Rooster

What Were You Thinking?


AWARD THE SECOND

“I am pleased to give this award to my dear friend Marie. Reading Marie's blog has convinced me that a sense of humour and an ability to laugh at one's self will help a person get through most of life's problems. Please accept this award, Marie!”

This award is from my dear friend Manju, who lives in Mumbai. She is smart and perceptive and writes a wonderful blog, Of Cabbages and Kings , which opens a fascinating window on everyday life in India. Best of all, Manju’s award came with no rules!!


AWARD THE THIRD


Nicole is a relatively new reader to my blog and a very sweet person. She writes a blog about her life raising twin boys in One, Two Princes Stand Before You .

Nicole was kind enough to give me not one, but TWO awards.

Unfortunately, they came with rules!! EEEEECK! A LOT of rules. Ouch, my head. But she was nice enough to think of me, so I will give it my best.

The first thing is I have to tell are 10 Honest Scrap things about myself. Considering I already told all of you my New Year’s Eve Ball story, you can guess that I usually am mortifyingly honest in this blog. But let me see if I can come up with 10 things that aren’t too boring. Or humiliating.





1) I was born in New York City but I grew up mostly in the Bronx. Yet I do not have a New York accent.
2) I smother my eggs in ketchup, which I wasn’t allowed to do at home because my mother said it was vulgar.
3) I would rather read than clean the house.
4) If I had the money, my house would be floor to ceiling books.
5) If I thought I could manage it, I would have 100 cats. Or maybe even more.
6) I am extremely gullible.
7) I am very impatient about a lot of things, but I never mind waiting on lines.
8) I hate the summer, everything about it, the weather, the clothes, the food, everything, and I always have, even as a kid. I long for autumn every year.
9) I have a hard time throwing things away. Hey, you might need it in ten years, you never know!
10) Because I read a lot, I know a lot of trivia. My husband used to say I knew more useless shit than anyone he had ever met. He would say that because I always beat him at Trivial Pursuit. Sore loser.




Ok, now with this award I have to list 5 addictions. Easy peasy:

1) My children
2) My friends
3) My pets
4) Reading
5) Museums

And now, I have to give these awards to five other blogs.

Here are my choices:

The Witty Ways of a Wayward Wife ( I already gave Jane a well-deserved award once before, but she is one of my dearest blogging friends and has the BEST blog; plus, one can never have too many awards; plus plus, I am dying to hear Jane’s 10 Honest Things.)

The Junk Drawer

Papercages

Redhead Ranting

Kitchen Retro


AWARD THE FOURTH

There was another award granted to me by a lovely, generous reader. But the horrible thing is, I can’t remember who it was! See, Ingrate of the Decade. I didn’t make a note of it or bookmark the page and even though I have spent days going through blogs I might have read to find it, I have not been able to.

So I have created my own 'award', to be given to people we may offend or hurt, even when it is unintentional:

PLEASE FORGIVE
MY SORRY BUTT!