I missed my own fourth blogiversary, which was in February. Four years of writing this blog. Four years of no weight loss. Several occurrences of royally pissing people off. Primarily family members. Who now no longer speak to me.
But four years of meeting the MOST marvelous people! And incredible, wonderful feedback on my writing. So, even though the title I originally thought was so perfect now makes me gag with embarrassment, and even though I can count on one hand the number of family members who still speak to me, writing this blog has been one of the most rewarding things I have ever done.
I thought it would be
In addition to being old and fat, I have MS. Most of my brain is in complete denial about this. Because it is ridiculous to think of myself, a normal, ordinary person with here-to-fore peasant-like good health, as having a serious chronic disease.
Every time I go to the neurologist, I futilely ask if perhaps there has been some mistake. But he doesn’t mince words: “Oh, you definitely have MS” he says cheerfully in his cute English accent.
There is nothing good about having MS. Absolutely nothing. Some people say, “I have MS, but MS doesn’t have me”. This is rationalization that borders on the delusional. The MS tentacles insinuate themselves into every aspect of your life: mobility, thinking, elimination, stamina, sexuality, everything. When you have MS, your life of doing things without a thought is over.
Pain is part of the MS package. Pain from damaged nerves that does not respond to conventional analgesics. I have been crippled with neck, back, hip and leg pain for weeks. Nothing was helping. My neurologist just prescribed Neurontin, which is to treat neurogenic pain. I finally began to get some relief.
But wait, there’s more!! Because what do I find in the drug information about Neurontin? It causes WEIGHT GAIN. That is what every info sheet says: weight gain. Weight gain, weight gain, WEIGHT GAIN AND WE DO MEAN YOU MARIE YOU BIG FAT PIG!!!!!!
And according to those who know, we’re not just talking a few pounds. We’re talking up to 30 pounds!
God help me, I would rather be in pain than continue to be fat. How sick is that? But I will give the med a try and see what happens.
Well, I did give Neurontin a try and it helped a little, but not enough to make it worth continuing. Now this was before I broke my shoulder. Two years after my fall, a pain super-specialist from Mount Sinai Hospital in New York prescribed a combination of percocet and neurontin every four hours for the chronic pain I had in my arm and shoulder that nothing else would relieve. So I gave it a try. It barely touched the pain. But it did make me high as a kite. Woo hoo! And it caused me to gain not thirty, but a whopping 50 pounds.
I quit taking the neurontin before I ended up trapped in my house because I couldn't fit through the doorways.
So I still have the pain. I still have the fat. And I am still glad I started this blog!!
Thank you so much, my wonderful readers!!
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